I watch all the three year olds at the day school where I work run and play and laugh. They greet me with big smiles and  bear hugs, running to the door as soon as I walk in.
My heart fills with joy as I remember all the smiles, hugs, kisses, and songs that fill the carepoints in Swaziland.

I was sitting with my mom watching the news. The first story they had for the night was about a woman from Jackson, TN. She apparently had an argument with her mother and, in the process, abandoned her child on a stairway in an apartment complex. She was arrested for child abuse. 
My heart breaks at the thought of all the children who are abandoned daily in Swaziland. In the hospital. on the side of the rode. at carepoints. I mourn over the boy who was murdered by his father just a few days before we left. My heart aches to think that the man who killed his son could still be wandering aroung Timbutini. Anger stirs. Bitterness boils. and then I remember that God has this all under control, and I pray for even more protection over those children.

I am officially home from Swaziland and I am a mess.

Joy overflows at te thought of all the singing and laughing that filled the carepoints and streets of Timbutini.

I think of Tabani, the love of my life, who was once mute but can now sing and laugh and play, by the grace of God! (This video was when he first started talking. The day we left, he looked me in the eyes and said "bye bye bye bye bye!")

My heart breaks as I remember those who were with me the day I was sick at the hospital/clinic. Knowing most of them had HIV, and the rest had some type of mental illness/handicap. Some with both. Some with pnuemonia. Some with bacterial infections from eating or drinking something they shouldn't have, like me. The thought has never left my head. This could have been me. This could have been where I as born. Why have I been given so much grace? Quickly God showed me how much MORE grace He has poored out on them. When I get over myself and set my mind on things that are above, I see that they have just as much grace. Just as much love. And you know what? Maybe even a little bit more.

I think of all the days when I didn't think I could pick up another mud and dirt covered child or play one more game of tag or have my hair pulled straight out of my head for the millionth time. And I think of how crazy I was because seeing those smiles and hearing them giggle and laugh out the words, "Sorry sorry sorry!", whenever they would pull out handfulls of my hair- those are the things I think about the most, that fill me with joy.

I know it has been over played but it's true. He makes beautiful things, He makes beautiful things out of dust. D'un beau affreux. He can transform the life of a sinner and He can make beautiful things out of not-so-beautiful situations. Le laid peut etre beau.

While in Swazi, God showed up and showed off. He poored out His love on the people, He used us to poor out some more love on them, and then He poored out His love on us like a waterfall. He swept me off my feet. He loves us, because He loves us, because He loves us. He never changes. His love never changes. His grace and mercy abound through any situation. His love drives out all fear. It gives courage and security. It never leaves. It brings freedom!

My last and certainly not least grace that He gave me while in Swaziland was the 20 brothers and sisters that He gave me to live with for the month. Their encouragement and love for the people of Swaziland and each other was radiant. I saw the bride of Christ step up to the plate. Their was hardship and pain, but there is something about being vulnerable with one another that brings you closer together. We were able to encourage and admonish one another in love. Pray for one another. Laugh. Sing. Worship. Process life. Make a joyfull noise! If you have never lived in community before and get the chance, do it. Don't hesitate. It will change your life forever.

I love and miss my team.

Of course, my mind goes crazy and I never write what I plan, but here it is. Here is where I am right now. I am so thankful for this incredible opportunity to be able to love and serve in Swaziland. I am still amazed at how God provided- through your prayer, encouragement and finacial support. We saw God move in big ways! Darkness was cast out and Light flooded in. The mute spoke. The sick were healed. He truly does make beautiful things. He makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out of us.

"When I wear the lens of the Word, all the world transfigures into the beauty of Christ an everything is eucharesteo." - Ann Voskamp